


Remembrance

by daisyisawriter91



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Get her some therapy, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Major Character Undeath, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:15:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29893416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisyisawriter91/pseuds/daisyisawriter91
Summary: As Miriel tries to work, her mind is plagued with thoughts of her lost love who was never really lost, and who she has to confront every single day.
Relationships: Emerina | Emmeryn/Miriel





	Remembrance

Miriel was a woman of science. As such, she allowed very few things to faze her.  
Reanimated corpses, giant wars, mysterious strangers with amnesia. Children coming from the future to aid their parents, a trusted tactician being the vessel for a fell god, dark magicians aiding their cause without another word.

These things did not bother her in the slightest. There were logical, rational explanations to everything, and in that, she found comfort. She could rely on her brain if not her heart.

Only two occurrences in her life bothered her beyond the point of logic. She was certain she’d never be truly upset by something when she had logic on her side. But two instances had proved her wrong

Emmeryn’s death that fateful day two years prior where she’d watched the love of her life plummet to her death, and the day she’d watched the love of her life return to her - but so very, very wrong.

Emmeryn viewed everything and everyone as strange and new. And that...that included Miriel.

Each time Miriel saw her, she could recall everything in dizzying, painful detail. Every touch, every laugh, every private moment with her love.

She could remember how Emmeryn liked her tea, black with two sugars and a splash of cream, and what book made her laugh so hard she cried. The strange, nonsensical dreams she recounted to Miriel across the pillow on the stalwart promise Miriel wouldn’t try to find their meaning. That she was a terrible cook but a decent baker who’d made Miriel try everything she baked, to which she consented even though she wasn’t the fondest of sweets.

Though the rest of Ylisse had seen their ethereal, perfect Exalt, Miriel had seen _Emmeryn_. Perfect in her sublime imperfections.

Every night for two years, despite the various herbs and potions and teas she’d tested, the memories of that day haunted her. She could see it with such sharp clarity.  
The memory refused to blur around the edges. It refused to soften into something she could stomach.  
Each time it replayed, it was just as unacceptable as the last. It never got easier to swallow.

What was even harder was the eyes of her beloved staring through her as though she wasn’t even there. 

Miriel brushed hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear. Emmeryn liked to do it for her, before…

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, forcing herself to experience the feeling of her chest inflating and deflating. It often calmed her restless thoughts and allowed her to think clearly.  
Even if her constant thoughts of Emmeryn clouded her. Even if her heart still raced at the thought of her smile.

When it failed, Miriel opened her eyes and looked around, focusing on sensations. The bubbling of her beakers and test tubes, multi-colored liquid casting lights across the wooden room when back by a candle. The strange herbal scents of her concoctions, and the incense Gregor had gifted her upon seeing her - apparently obvious - heartbreak.  
The room was dimly lit by a few flickering candles, the open window letting in a gentle breeze that ruffled the pages of her books; medical textbooks with pages weighted down by whatever object Miriel could find.

Nothing in the room reminded her of Emmeryn. Nothing obvious at a passing glance, at least. 

“What...are you...doing?” 

Miriel startled. She shouldn’t have been so startled; she was supposed to be aware and alert, but her own thoughts had consumed her.

She knew that voice. Both the only person she wanted to see, and the last person she wanted to see. 

Emmeryn stood in the door, draped in a green blanket. Her normal white dress had long since been muddied and stained, bunched up to her belts to reveal equally muddy boots. Her hair had been braided behind her back to get it out of her way. 

She looked healthy.  
Real.  
Alive.  
_Not Miriel’s._

The fluttering in Miriel’s stomach was crushed instantly as the thought entered her head. Emmeryn was not hers, and never would be again.

“I am attempting to invent an antidote for the newly created Risen.” Miriel kept her sentence clipped.  
Risen were created from fresh corpses. If her comrades fell, they could become a member of the undead horde. Everyone in the army deserved a fate better than that.

Except maybe Gangrel and Aversa. Even if she found the antidote, she would never mention it to them.  
Vindictive, perhaps.  
But they had taken Emm from her.  
They deserved worse.

“Wow...a...cure?” Emmeryn seemed to struggle with her words.  
In the back of her mind, the cure for Emmeryn’s damage burned a hole, screaming at Miriel to continue working on it.

“Yes. I think it will be appropeaux.”  
Emmeryn tilted her head, clearly not understanding. Miriel sighed. “I think it will be good.” She clarified.

Emmeryn brightened, giving a smile. Miriel loathed how her heart twisted. Her eyes burned, her lip quivered. She looked away, swiftly.

After a moment of mumbling, Emmeryn spoke words that instantly vaulted Miriel back before a war ever started.  
“What’s wrong?”

Late nights spent in her lab, pulled to bed by Emmeryn.  
Talks over the pillow about Miriel’s anxieties.  
Birthdays, nightmares, bad days.  
_Emmeryn._

“I would like for you to leave.”  
“Miriel-”  
“ _Please._ ” Miriel’s voice broke. She could feel tears slipping down her face.

She bent over her desk, slamming her hands onto the wood.  
“Go.” She begged.

It was all too much. She needed to be alone, or maybe find one of her friends. She couldn’t _do this_.

But Emmeryn did not leave. She hovered in the doorway; Miriel could feel her eyes boring into her.  
“Do you...hate me?” She asked, her voice soft and, if Miriel wasn’t mistaken, full of pain.

She _hated it_. She hated that she had hurt Emm even further. But she couldn’t seem to stop hurting herself.

Miriel shook her head. For a moment, nothing made a sound save for the bubbling in her beakers, and the insects crying out beyond her window.

“I find it impossible to feel anything but the deepest love for you.” _Oh_ , how her voice trembled. “Chrom ordered me to never remind you, as he worried over the effect it would have on you. But I cannot hide it. I see no purpose for hiding it.”

Miriel stood, wiping her eyes with her sleeves, pushing up her glasses to do so. When she looked into Emmeryn’s eyes, it was to find a stricken expression.

“You have my deepest apologies for hurting you. But I cannot bear being around you longer than I absolutely must. Not until you can recall who I am.”

Emmeryn opened and closed her mouth a few times, brow furrowing in confusion. Miriel could see her eyes beginning to brim with tears.  
“I...am sorry. I will...leave you...now…”

With that, Emmeryn turned and fled as swiftly as Miriel knew she could. And as she watched her go, she felt nothing but hollow in her resounding misery.


End file.
